Struggling Polyamorist

  Prolog - The Instincts Of all the instincts the two most powerful seem to be: “self-preservation” and “ensuring survival of the species”. Of those two, it seems to me, the instinct to ensure survival of the species even trumps the instinct of self-preservation. Why? Have you ever had a tooth-ache (or some other ailment), and gotten in a situation where your sexual attention was raised? When this happened to me, the ache always subsided - at least to a degree - for the duration of the sexual activity. Once this activity ended, the pain came back full force.   I interpret it like this: Pain is a mechanism used to ensure your own survival. It alerts you, that there’s something wrong with/for your body. Something needs your attention, a change of situation. However, when it is a matter of fulfilling the survival-of-the-species instinct, the others - including self-preservation - are dimmed. So, when there’s a chance the situation might develop in a way that might cause the crea

 This, I think, is the most important lesson I learned from my parents!  My dad hates the catholic church - they have caused so much pain and suffering all through history, and misled people with their doctrines, he just despises them. My mom is a member of the catholic church. She doesn't focus on the failings, but on the good they have done. How can the two of them be in a loving, mutually supportive and respectful relationship? They somehow figured out how to be able to let the other person believe and do what they want to believe and do, and not allow the other to prevent them from doing what they want to do. They are (at least trying as good as they can) absolutely tolerant towards the other. Each allows the other to make their own choices, to have their own believes, to choose for themselves what to do and what not.  And, at the same time, they are totally firm about making their own choices. Absolute tolerance and absolute firmness at the same time! I'm trying to impleme

 I am the oldest sibling in my family. There are 5 sisters after me, and a little brother who joined us when I was ready to leave for college. While growing up, I was always asked to take care of, look out for, and look after my younger sisters. And I tried, as good as I was able to.  The way I saw the adults do that was: using force. Whoever was the strongest, determined what is being done. If a weaker one didn't obey, s/he got whacked. So I applied the same approach. Obviously, my sisters totally rejected my "help"! Today I know that applying force is never appreciated - even if your intentions are really, really good, if you're meaning really, really well: when you use force, the recipient will fight you! Don't believe me? Well, look at yourself: when somebody is applying pressure onto you, your focus shifts from pondering whether what you're pressured to is a good idea, and centers around how to eliminate the discomfort of the applied force. So, instead of

History Originally, humans organized in tribes, where members took care of each other. They hunted together, gathered together, and looked out for each other.   Later, the tribe “shrunk” to a group. Up until and through the dark ages, for example, farms in Europe where autarkic - that means, they produced everything they needed, and they existed mostly independently from outside.   Towards the beginning of the 20th century, it was the extended family, who was living together and looking out for each other. Then, that social construct was replaced with the nuclear family. Instead of great-grandparents, grandparents and siblings, parents, uncles and aunts, siblings and cousins, it now was only the parents and their children, who formed the basic social unit. In the second half of the 20th century, as divorce rates started to rise, very often it was just the mother (sometimes the father) with the children. the other parent had left the unit as well. Today, there are more sing